in response to the enemy.

i dont like being alone. i love having time to myself, but i dont like being alone. i find that the difference lies in my thoughts.

see, thoughts are obviously very powerful. Christ clarifies this in his teaching in Matthew 5; and we get it. However this is what gets me... without knowing it or paying special attention to it we find our thoughts wandering; whether it be of unjust anger, regret, shame, they take me from HIM, leaving me alone. My time to myself is really time with my maker, but when i allow myself to be idle and lazy my thoughts and actions drift, leaving me alone because HE is opposed to those things. HE cannot be in those things. its not HIM.

and then I am alone.

I dont like being alone.

what makes matters worse is that when we find ourselves alone, we are then more vulnerable. because though i made it sound as if its HE who does the leaving... its us. James 1.14 " But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed" And theres the rub. we are turning, i am making myself alone, lonely, being enticed. i turn to look; then i am on his radar; the prowling lion, and its not aslan. (i have my own thoughts on why CS Lewis chose a lion to represent God in the Chronicles of Narnia, when the scriptures refer to the deceiver as one who prowls as such. But i suppose thats for another time.) I am enticed, and so i turn, i look away, i sink like peter.

and then i am alone.

i dont like being alone.

So i call people, i call family, my girlfriend, friends. And those are good things. BUT, lying in bed to rest the despair lingers, shame finds its way. and i wonder why? why am i alone? tonight it hit me and as i rose from bed to write this i want one person to be free. if just one person reads this, let go. turn back to your Father this night. Do not sleep in that despair another night. I leave you with this. be encouraged, if you can relate to me at all; that means God is using you for something wonderful, or else the evil one would not be trying to lure you. so be encouraged, be used for your purpose. but that is for tomorrow. tonight, fall in his arms of grace and be free. HE loved me first, so why not abide in HIM? (john 15.9).

then i am not alone.

goodnight beloved. 1 john 3.1